Travelling of my heart
When we didn't fall in love with each other ,
My heart always travelled around the world.
Sometimes I met a certain pretty stranger ,
it made me dream about the future.
Deep night,
made the moon dim,
the cold lights ,
then,
the only noise i heard was the west wind outside
The street was wet by the rainwater that dripped from the eaves
I had many sorrows that I could not share with others.
I can not tell you what will happen in the future
There are many difficulties preventing me living with you
I know what to do when I am perplexed
As long as you always stand by me
Whenever you are tired of our love
the only thing you can do is to gaze at me
Here I list some of the lines I modify. Maybe they are better or maybe worse. I don't know it because I am not an expert in this field.So just for reference.
for the first two lines, I think the past tense is ok .so it is no need to use present perfect tense.
"Deep night, made the moon dim,the cold lights ,then,the only noise i heard was the west wind outside" In these lines I use inversion because of rhyme.
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发表于 2011-10-20 12:49:14
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发表于 2011-10-23 20:01:37
